Advice on children

[Krensky]

No child grows up in a vacuum or influenced solely by their parents. The whole view that teaching values is the job of the parents is utter bull. Values are a societal concern. If you want your society to function it's important that everyone grows up learning that things like stealing and lying are wrong, hurting others is wrong, working for the betterment of yourself and others is a good thing, the ability to think things through and trying ot understand what's happening before making a decision is excellent, etc. It's equally important to stop that when you reach things that aren't basic elements of a a polite and harmonious society and well before you reach disruptive and malignant things like racism, bigotry, zealotry, etc.

[Crafty_Pat]

...working for the betterment of yourself and others is a good thing...

Wait, it is? Seriously?

Oh crap. 

[Krensky]

...working for the betterment of yourself and others is a good thing...

Wait, it is? Seriously?

Oh crap. 

You'd be amazed how many people I knew in college who didn't know this. To the point where I was asked why I was dropping the change from my lunch in the Police Athletic League jar.

[Alphastream]

If the parents are friends, then you may want to respect their decisions about how to parent.

All of us have different views (just check out the TSA or torture topics...), and when it comes to our kids the stakes are much higher. We want, as parents, to help our kids understand the complex/bizarre/F-d up world in a manner that will make them stronger and more capable. Because of that, some parents may want to handle sensitive topics (such as race and violence) on our own.

I've seen plenty cases where friends of mine bristled to hear how their own parents explained things to their children (the grandkids).

Personally, I'm generally ok with friends trying to answer a topic like that, but I'm keenly interested in such events and will likely want to supplement the info or even re-address it to make sure the child understands. The age of the child is huge, of course. My daughter (3) and son (22 months) are completely unaware of race at this point. I want to keep that going as long as I can. Living in the DC area (where we had all of one completely US-born all white couple) in our playgroup made it very easy for our child to be completely open to diversity.

This December we traveled to Omaha, NE days after the mall shooting. Understandably, everyone kept wanting to talk about it. But our kids have no idea about such things and we really didn't feel it was time for them to learn about such topics. So, we (perhaps rudely) kept cutting everyone off and asking them to not discuss it. We didn't want to be pains, but at the same time, our family is the most important thing in our lives.

Teos

[glimmerrat]

How old is the child? Do they have a reason for asking?

[TheAuldGrump]

...working for the betterment of yourself and others is a good thing...

Wait, it is? Seriously?

Oh crap. 

You'd be amazed how many people I knew in college who didn't know this. To the point where I was asked why I was dropping the change from my lunch in the Police Athletic League jar.

Some of us do remember being Boy Scouts though. (And yes, even try to cling to the Good Deed a Day that was a credo.)

The Auld Grump

[Ezram]

Wow, quite a bit of input on this thread. I also learned who around here is a bit more patriarchal than the average gamer  .

In any event, he might ask someone else at another point, but I do hope he puts some thought into my answer when he's facing issues associated with his question.

[ThunderMonkey]

Questions like "where do babies come from?" are the ones you refer back to parents.   

My seven year old asked me "What's a lesbian?"... then later "What's a bisexual?"

That's the last time I'll let her watch "Dodgeball" with me.

I gave her a one-sentence answer for both, and explained to her that she's not to have this conversation with her mother.

[Slippery_jim_digris]

My seven year old asked me "What's a lesbian?"... then later "What's a bisexual?"

That's the last time I'll let her watch "Dodgeball" with me.

I gave her a one-sentence answer for both, and explained to her that she's not to have this conversation with her mother.

Thus ensuring said conversation

[ThunderMonkey]

My seven year old asked me "What's a lesbian?"... then later "What's a bisexual?"

That's the last time I'll let her watch "Dodgeball" with me.

I gave her a one-sentence answer for both, and explained to her that she's not to have this conversation with her mother.

Thus ensuring said conversation

Sometimes you wonder if they really pay attention... now I know they do.

[Golden Dragon]

They pay attention is the worst way. My favorite story is when my eldest was 2yo, I was having a bad day and started singing "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat some worms." She smiled, looked up at me and said, "I hate you, daddy," in the sweetest voice.

[Slippery_jim_digris]

When My youngest was 5 he asked me how old I was, so I told him I was older than dirt.

Months later I'm going to his kindergarten open house and his teacher upon meeting me tells me how happy she is to meet someone who was older than dirt.  :oYes during some excersize in class he proudly informs the class that his dad is older than dirt!

[afrodave]

Kids are people and people will believe what you tell them. The unfortunate truth is that most people seem to perfer lying to kids than tell them the truth about the world and everyone in it.

Try telling a kid:
"People hate people that are different because they feel threatened by others and only see the differances, rather than trying to talk to people and find the similarities they attack them and only see the differances."

I bet a lot of you think saying this to kids would be talking over thier heads; I disagree I think saying this to adults is talking over their heads.

[Alphastream]

My seven year old asked me "What's a lesbian?"... then later "What's a bisexual?"

That's the last time I'll let her watch "Dodgeball" with me.

I gave her a one-sentence answer for both, and explained to her that she's not to have this conversation with her mother.

Well, we avoid TV so far (though our kids are 3.5 yrs and 22 months), but if that came up we could just point to one of the gay couples we know. We do live in Portland, after all. I'm sure our kids would say something like "oh, cool", and that works for us!

But... I'm with you. Kids are amazingly capable of putting us into uncomfortable situations. The other day we are drying off our kids from the shower and our daughter points to her nethers and says "This is my peanut butter and jelly", laughs hilariously, and says to her little brother "do you want some?". My wife and I are half trying not to die laughing and half mortified and hoping we don't have to do anything. The moment passed, she focused on something else, and all was well with the world. Whew! That was a close one!

Teos

[ThunderMonkey]

My youngest (also  girl, age 6 now) will watch "Ultraviolet" or "Underworld" if we didn't stop her.

She likes movies in which the girl is the hero and "kicks boys' butts". There aren't many out for her age, but she's really big into Hellboy, so there's hope for her.

The best thing I did for my kids when they were younger is let them watch a Making of Hellboy with me. They saw the make-up artists put on the stuff for Ron Pearlman and the others and they quickly learned that stuff on TV isn't always real.

My oldest watches TLC ("Little People, Big World" and the tattoo shows) on a regular basis... so I have to wonder about that.