Forum Game: Catch the McGuffin.

[Bill Whitmore]

Luckily it was given to a whole clan and not just one ninja, so it is pretty easy going for my assault team to clear them out and retrieve the McGuffin.

Then I modify the backpack to include a hidden pocket, store a GPS device in it for later retrieval, then donate the pack to a school for some child to use.  I then set up my team to track the backpack while slipping the McGuffin into my fanny pouch as I watch out for who goes looking for the McGuffin next.

Edit: And kudos to Glimmerrat rat for ridding the world of a great evil.

[glimmerrat]

Using my expert psychic remote viewers, I discover that Bill has the McGuffin and send Mike Tyson to get it back. He'll do anything for a dairylee triangle. Bill wakes up sans ears to find the McGuffin gone.

I take the now caseless McGuffin and feed it to a large Guernsey cow. I then place her in a field with 999 of her compatriots and place the field under observation with my nuclear armed weapons satellite, prepared to blow up the McGuffin rather than let anyone else get it. The satellite will open fire as soon as someone interferes with the cows.

[OverNinja]

I send an F-15 armed with a ASM-135 ASAT missile to take out the satellite.
After the satellite is taken out, my minions ship the cows to the butchers.
We'll have a barbeque.

The McGuffin is sent to a super-massive blackhole in the center of the Milky Way Galaxy.

[glimmerrat]

...where it is retrieved by Dr Hans Reinhardt aboard the USS Cygnus, who was conducting experiments there on my behalf.

He sends it back to me aboard a fast shuttle, whereupon I digitize the McGuffin and hide it in a level 70 instance somewhere in the deepest darkest depths of World of Warcraft.

[Mister Andersen]

I travel back in time and cold-cock Agent 333 before he has a chance to place the MacGuffin in its handcuffed case, consigning all subsequent attempts to paradoxical failure. At this point I shunt forward past the Big Crunch, emerging into the next cycle of the universe like unto a god, influencing the very course of creation itself in countless subtle ways.

The macguffin becomes forgotten, becoming the gravitational equivalent of a spec of sand inside an oyster as its mass attracts the building blocks of creation about itself, becoming the heart of a planet in a galaxy far far away.

[Agent 333]

Reality, being fairly paradox-proof snaps back to the last state it was in before the paradoxes began. I then digitize myself, and go through WoW TRON style till I get the McGuffin. After securing it, I beam it and myself out onto the Web, were we shall surf until I've decided I need to put my plan into motion.

[glimmerrat]

Your surfing is stopped as you pass through the Australian section of the web. You suddenly realise that YOU are restricted content and are promptly deleted. I download the McGuffin and de-digitize it.

The McGuffin is given to a creche of savage two-year olds to play with. Tackle them if you dare...

[Agent 333]

After making every telephone in the world ring just to prove I still exist, I de-digitize myself in Canberra. I make my way to the two year olds, and take the McGuffin from them. Its just like taking candy from a baby, only McGuffins don't taste like candy.

I then decide to head out to the great Australian Desert where I hide the McGuffin in the pouch of a rabid Kangaroo.

[OverNinja]

The kangaroo meets its fate as it is devoured by a crocodile. I see this while filming.
The McGuffin being unedible, remains behind.

I hide the McGuffin in the Tomb of St. Peter.

[Gentry]

Using Tom Hanks and a new movie shoot as a cover, I enter the tomb and retrieve the McGuffin. 

I place it in an Oscar Statuette and award it to Sean Penn.

[Agent 333]

Sean Penn trades me his Oscar for some Dorritos and pot. I then take the McGuffin out of the Oscar and hide it in the hidden compartment of my new super-spy sportscar.

[Mister Andersen]

Unfortunately for you, you secret compartment is already filled by capacity by another secret compartment that is in actually a transmat terminal. As such it is teleported into my clutches moments before the transmat self destructs into inert particles of carbon.

Though indestructable, the MacGuffin is not indivisible and as such it is split into its component pieces -- 6 as it happens -- and scattered throughout time and space in a variety of cunning guises...

[glimmerrat]

Being a Time Lord I go off on an epic quest to find the bits and reassemble them. This takes two full seasons and involves weak acting from the bit of fluff that flounces around after me, teasing sex-starved fanboys with poor fashion sense.

After retreiving the McGuffin, I give it to the Daleks to look after. Who have become room-mates with the Cybermen. And Darth Vader.

[Agent 333]

The Daleks, not trusting the Cybermen, begin EXTERMINATEing everything. Darth Vader uses his kewl force powerz to make a fight of it, but the power of the Force is Insignificant next to Daleks. In his last breath, Vader flips the one switch that activates a time vortext that scatters Dalek's throughout time, providing the Doctor with three seasons worth of Dalek based storylines to get through, and leaving the McGuffin unguarded. I walk over, steal Darth Vader's Lightsaber and the McGuffin, then proceed to put myself out of phase-with space time, in an area that's one second in the future from 'now' whenever 'now' happens to be.

[glimmerrat]

By doing so you have foolishly put yourself in synch with every highschool teacher on the planet - including me. Your lightsaber protects you little against being run down by my car, and I make sure to back over you a few times for good measure.

I lethally irradiate the McGuffin, making it fatally dangerous to all life for the next million years and launch it into space, aiming at the Andromeda galaxy.