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Author Topic: [Off Topic] [Took me long enough...] Bionic Woman : Rebuilt  (Read 18692 times)
Gatac
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« on: October 09, 2008, 04:42:28 PM »

Hey all,

I know I haven't been around here much, and you're all waiting for Wayward Son (those of you who haven't succumbed to old age, that is)...but I always seem to never get things done when I'm ostensibly not busy, so no dice there. I did manage to finish the first story (and oh God the sequel ideas are making my head explode) in a tenative series of fanfic set in the Bionic Woman universe.

Yes, the remake. I know, it hurts. You probably want to forget about it.

However, I can't leave something like that out there mucking up my mindspace, so I figured I'd do a little fix fic and try to get a better handle on the material. Totally underestimated the effort, too...

So here's the rewrite of the pilot, simply called "Rebuilt". Not strictly speaking Spycraft, I know, but I thought you guys might get a kick out of it anyway.

I plan on putting this up at Fanfiction.net, as soon as I'm past the double secret probation new accounts get. In the mean time, I'd love some feedback from you guys.

So, enjoy!

Gatac
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Mister Andersen
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« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2008, 06:49:34 PM »

Interesting.

I think you maybe made Jaime a little too comptent straight out the door -- I actually really liked her freak out in the pilot when she seees her bionic legs for the first time. Similarly, there should have been longer spent in surgery and recovery -- maybe covered by Jaime having planed on spending a dirty weekend with Will and trusting her sister on her own over the weekend for the first time.

The changes to the sister was an interesting touch.

Kill coding Sara makes all manner of sense.
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Gatac
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« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2008, 01:29:14 AM »

I didn't like the freakout thing. While it made for a nice shock on TV, it doesn't make sense to pull something like that especially given Sara's known reaction to waking up with bionics. Seems clear to me that keeping Jaime under until the implants were at least not visually obvious makes sense. And the fact that Jaime doesn't freak and the implants do work well from the start is remarked on a few times. This will be a plot point in future stories...

As for not spending the weekend to recover, that felt too convenient, mostly because I explicitly didn't want to give Jaime the time to adjust too much and ask too many questions - then I'd have to write answers and this thing is already overstuffed with technical details. (I have at least ten more pages of expo speak on the bionics filed away in my head, to be used as needed.)

Becca's a synthesis of the two versions. I really liked the idea that she's deaf from the original pilot, while the "official" version is a...hacker. Mostly signified by her having a laptop. Blech. Hence, I inserted the computer lab scene. Becca is, in a good way, a rat trying to figure out how to break out of her cage. Teenage rebellion mixed with the intense focus she has to have on something to keep up with a world she can't hear.

The kill code seemed like an obvious addition. Berkut never really had a plan for what happens when their operatives go rogue in the series, but it's my contention that Jonas Bledsoe - a man who the official website says managed to predict 9/11 and was immensely frustrated when nobody took him seriously - would have a backup plan for that.

Gatac
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Mister Andersen
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« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2008, 08:22:54 AM »

Quote from: Gatac
I didn't like the freakout thing. While it made for a nice shock on TV, it doesn't make sense to pull something like that especially given Sara's known reaction to waking up with bionics.

Sara was however expecting to wake up a cyborg; Jaime not so much.

Quote
As for not spending the weekend to recover, that felt too convenient, mostly because I explicitly didn't want to give Jaime the time to adjust too much and ask too many questions - then I'd have to write answers and this thing is already overstuffed with technical details. (I have at least ten more pages of expo speak on the bionics filed away in my head, to be used as needed.)

I wasn't talking recovery time so much as surgery time - she should have woken up to discover that more than a work shift worth of time had passed. Because I really don't think you're going to be significant amounts of a person's body and rewiring their nervous system in that short a time.

Also, $68 million is rather cheap. 9 figures seems more reasonable.
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Gatac
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« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2008, 01:55:38 PM »

Fair enough on Sara's part. Still, even on TV Sara's freakout was arguably much worse than Jaime's, and she seemed shocked at her inability to stop herself. I've got a backstory thing planned for her, though, to address this.

As for surgery time, this is another future plot point. The system wasn't anywhere near complete when Jaime woke up, and it's still not. Surgery was mostly about attaching pre-made parts to the remains of Jaime's body, then putting the anthrocytes on the job to start stitching everything together. If reading this makes you ponder the implications of a) having parts in storage that fit Jaime and b) a nanotech-based system that is designed to repair damage to her body by all means necessary, rest assured that this will be dealt with. I fully admit that the overall time spent in actual surgery is for story convenience, though.

As for the cost, that's actually up from the TV series, which quoted 50 million dollars. It's still pretty random, yeah.

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Gatac
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« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2008, 03:52:35 PM »

Update:

Rebuilt is now available on FanFiction.net.

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Gatac
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« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2008, 05:29:51 PM »

The first part of "Paradise Regained" is now online.

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Gatac
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« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2009, 07:27:08 AM »

And updated.
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Gatac
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« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2009, 11:16:52 AM »

Not strictly speaking an update notice (third chapter of Paradise Regained has been out for a while, sorry for not notifying), just saying that I'm still working on this. I'm really unleashing my inner Tom Clancy here and I want to get as much stuff as possible right. Nerve agent exposure and treatment takes research and I really need to find a way to tone down on the mess of details in favor of actually moving the story.
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Gatac
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« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2009, 07:23:52 PM »

Updated.
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Gatac
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« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2009, 01:59:08 PM »

Updated.
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Gatac
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« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2009, 03:00:27 AM »

Updated, finally.
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Gatac
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« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2009, 12:32:49 PM »

Updated with Chapter 7.

I know, it's shameful that I can only find my way here to post those update notices, but generic/no-brand Real Life Stuff interferes with Spycraft-related things, and I have immense difficult writing more Ultimates (yes, I know, I promised Wayward Son) while my head is positively exploding with all the ideas I need to pack into Bionic Woman. I've got like a whole season of this stuff up here. Frankly, it's kinda annoying.

Don't lose faith, True Believers. More Ultimates will come. In the meantime, I hope my humble fanfic offerings appease you.
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Gatac
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« Reply #13 on: May 28, 2009, 02:36:10 AM »

It's been brought to my attention that the defibrillation scene contains some mistakes re: the description of Ruth Truewell's condition. While I'm apt to say "Just go with it" in regards to some other small inaccuracies in my stories (though I do try to research), I feel it's important to make this one right, since I don't want to contribute to misconceptions about emergency first aid. So I've rewritten some sentences to fix it.

I still wouldn't classify this as the kind of lifesaving didactical "This really works!" piece of advice, but it is more accurate now.

(And yes, giving chest compressions to the beat of Staying Alive is a real technique. Disco saves lives, people.)
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Gatac
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« Reply #14 on: June 24, 2009, 03:36:29 PM »

Chapter 8!

Long in coming, frustrating to write, with a new feature: writer's commentary! I hope you guys like wireless security talk.
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