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Author Topic: [Humor] Campaign Qualities to Avoid?  (Read 34438 times)
glimmerrat
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« Reply #15 on: January 18, 2008, 05:02:42 PM »

Directed by Uwe Boll:  Whenever a player scores a threat, that threat is automatically downgraded to a critical failure.  During every scene, whenever a player makes a roll, flip a coin.  Heads, that roll is -10.  Tails, that roll is considered to have scored a threat.  Once per session, players may spend 1 Action Die, after suffering a critical failure,  to violently assault the GC without fear of legal ramifications.  (Honestly, who wouldn't punch Uwe Boll in the face if they met him?)

I think that fittingly describes a play session with Uwe Boll....

Shouldn't it be more like "All weapons are fully automatic and have bottomless clips. All female characters gain -2 to thier appearance modifier because they look like $2 hookers. The GC may at any time stand up and punch a player in the face, provided the player has just accussed the GC of being a bad GC, or if the player has criticised the game in any way."
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TheAuldGrump
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« Reply #16 on: January 18, 2008, 05:10:22 PM »

Paint Ball (-50XP):
All injured characters, even those who have been Killed or Destroyed in this scene may return to play with full abilities in the next scene, after having enough time to wipe off the splats from their previous injuries.

'Eat blue death Pitfall scum!' *Splat* 'Arrgh, I've been hit! Carry on without me guys! (Who has yellow paints?)'

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Crafty_Pat
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« Reply #17 on: January 18, 2008, 05:22:50 PM »

This thread, given time and some qualities has Classic potential written all over it... *wanders off to craft some goodies*

No kidding, and done. All of them so far are gold! Smiley

I'm only up to the quoted post so far, but Subtitled and Control is Your Friend have me in stitches!
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Crafty_Pat
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« Reply #18 on: January 18, 2008, 05:24:34 PM »

As an additional note, this quality is somewhat serious... Here's my take on qualities for ParanoiaCraft:

Bleak, Bloodbath, Bottomless Clip, Comedy of Errors, Control is Your Friend, Faction, Fast Attributes, Fast Feats, Fast Growth, Fast Interests, Fast Proficiencies, Gritty, Paranoid, Rare Spectacle, Revolving Door, Shoe String Budget, Small Screen, Tense.

All the Fast qualities are to counter the massive agent body counts brought on by the qualities and proper play of this style. Smiley


Completely agree. I daresay that's pretty strong - strong enough that I'd play it right now.
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Crafty_Pat
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« Reply #19 on: January 18, 2008, 05:25:44 PM »

Corporate Sponsored:  Each player gains +1 to their wealth & spending cash.  Every scene, each player must in some way incorporate or use the slogan or product of a major corporate entity.  If they do not, that player's wealth & spending cash are -5 from various corporate lawsuits for breach of contract / marketing.

Alex! Where's my worship smiley? I need it NOW!

EDIT: I was gonna list my faves but I can't. They're all genius. You all win. Smiley
« Last Edit: January 18, 2008, 05:28:42 PM by Crafty_Pat » Logged

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NezMaster
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« Reply #20 on: January 18, 2008, 06:00:31 PM »

Control Bribery (Variable XP, Seasons only):
The quickest way to a Game Control's heart is though his stomach. By sacrificing foodstuffs and drink to the Man Behind the Screen player Special Characters can gain a variable amount of Action Dice and Experience Points as determined arbitrarily by the GC.

'What?! This pizza has anchovies! DIE!' - Game Control Walter Permagaur to player that chose poorly in the toppings of his sacrifice.
So how bad is it that I have games wehre I give xp for
1> Bringing snacks and drinks to the game to share with the group.
2> Being on time.

I should mention 2 points pretty much always go to the same one or two people.

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Gentry
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« Reply #21 on: January 18, 2008, 06:45:03 PM »

Hentai (0 xp):  All Agents must be female, and all receive +3 to their appearance modifier.  All villain NPCs, standard or special, gain the use of a single Natural Attack in the form of a prehensile (and suggestively shaped) tentacle sprouting from any unnatural (but easily hidden) area of their anatomy.  This Natural Attack grants the villain NPC a +4 Icky Bonus to all checks made as part of a grapple, and to all checks that would be opposed by an Agent's Resolve skill.

This quality may be applied multiple times.  Each time it is applied, villain NPCs gain an additional tentacle.
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Chimera
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« Reply #22 on: January 18, 2008, 06:48:24 PM »

Hentai (0 xp):  All Agents must be female, and all receive +3 to their appearance modifier.  All villain NPCs, standard or special, gain the use of a single Natural Attack in the form of a prehensile (and suggestively shaped) tentacle sprouting from any unnatural (but easily hidden) area of their anatomy.  This Natural Attack grants the villain NPC a +4 Icky Bonus to all checks made as part of a grapple, and to all checks that would be opposed by an Agent's Resolve skill.

This quality may be applied multiple times.  Each time it is applied, villain NPCs gain an additional tentacle.

Shouldn't the tentacles get some kind of "Charm" attack?  I mean at first there always seems to be a struggle, but it almost always ends in ....not struggling.

One things for sure... that'll take care of those virgin ears I keep hearing about.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2008, 06:50:40 PM by Chimera » Logged

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« Reply #23 on: January 18, 2008, 06:51:14 PM »

I suppose on balance that the bonus to checks opposed by Resolve should read "opposed by Resolve or Sense Motive".  That makes them seductive, if disgusting. 
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TheAuldGrump
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« Reply #24 on: January 18, 2008, 06:52:02 PM »

Control Bribery (Variable XP, Seasons only):
The quickest way to a Game Control's heart is though his stomach. By sacrificing foodstuffs and drink to the Man Behind the Screen player Special Characters can gain a variable amount of Action Dice and Experience Points as determined arbitrarily by the GC.

'What?! This pizza has anchovies! DIE!' - Game Control Walter Permagaur to player that chose poorly in the toppings of his sacrifice.
So how bad is it that I have games wehre I give xp for
1> Bringing snacks and drinks to the game to share with the group.
2> Being on time.

I should mention 2 points pretty much always go to the same one or two people.


Okay, how about this one then?
Mary Sue GCPC (-75XP Seasons Only):
The GC is allowed a 'Special' Special Character NPC - who is the only character who is allowed to actually achieve the Mission goals. All tests performed by any character, including Player Characters and other Special Characters, automatically fail.

In addition any success by the Mary Sue GCPC is automatically a threat that may be turned into a critical by pretending to spend a GC Action die. Any test that succeeds by 10 or more is treated as a Triumph. The Mary Sue GCPC also gains DR (all) 10000, and gains the properties of the Revolving Door Campaign Quality, even if that quality is not in play.

The Auld Grump, actually based on a Storyteller game I was in briefly. Very briefly.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2008, 06:53:39 PM by TheAuldGrump » Logged

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Crafty_Pat
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« Reply #25 on: January 18, 2008, 07:14:06 PM »

This quality may be applied multiple times.  Each time it is applied, villain NPCs gain an additional tentacle.

"...and each tentacle's Size category increases by 1."

EDIT: You might also want to give the tentacles the captivating NPC quality, though I suppose it would equally apply to nearly anything in anime.  Cheesy
« Last Edit: January 18, 2008, 07:16:43 PM by Crafty_Pat » Logged

Patrick Kapera
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« Reply #26 on: January 19, 2008, 02:38:17 AM »

No One Expects The Spanish Inquisition! (+50 XP):  All quick Ambush checks are team checks made with the Impress skill by the character with the lowest bonus.  Failed checks may be retried, but the ambushing party must leave their opponents line of sight in the same direction they came, they must use the same entrance again, and take double the time of the previous check.
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« Reply #27 on: January 19, 2008, 03:00:00 AM »

CINEMATIC ACTION CAMERA! (+0 XP): During any scene involving combat or a chase the cameraman has an epileptic seizure and the camera begins to shake uncontrollably.  Since it is now impossible to actually see what is going on, a -10 penalty is applied to all Notice and Search checks.  In addition, at the end of every round, all participants in the the combat or chase must make a Fortitude save starting with a DC of 10 the first round and increasing by 1 every round the combat or chase continues or become Nauseated.

You shoud rename this to the Michael Bay Camera Cheesy
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Crafty_Pat
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« Reply #28 on: January 19, 2008, 03:03:15 AM »

CINEMATIC ACTION CAMERA! (+0 XP): During any scene involving combat or a chase the cameraman has an epileptic seizure and the camera begins to shake uncontrollably.  Since it is now impossible to actually see what is going on, a -10 penalty is applied to all Notice and Search checks.  In addition, at the end of every round, all participants in the the combat or chase must make a Fortitude save starting with a DC of 10 the first round and increasing by 1 every round the combat or chase continues or become Nauseated.

You shoud rename this to the Michael Bay Camera Cheesy

Nah. Then it would have to alternate between shaky-cam for the action and slow-mo for the plot. Wink
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Patrick Kapera
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« Reply #29 on: January 19, 2008, 03:10:55 AM »

Writer's Strike (+0 XP): Mission has a random number of dramatic scenes defined by a 1d6 divided by two roll (rounded up) these overlap the normal scenes in the mission. Every time an agent suffers an error threat the Game Control must choose a new campaign quality which will take place for the rest of the mission, if another error occurs a new quality trumps the previous. (note: all quality choices must be impartial and can't favor a single side)
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ó Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.
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